Because You Love Me: The Difference Between Phileo and Agape
The setting: On a fishing boat. Having fished all night, by early morning, they had caught nothing. The characters: Simon Peter, Thomas (called Twin), Nathanael (Bartholomew) of Cana in Galilee, James and John (the sons of Zebedee), and two other disciples (unnamed). Seeing Jesus on shore, they rush to meet him (with Peter actually jumping into the water and swimming to shore).
Once on shore and sitting around the fire, with the aroma of searing fish wafting through the air, Jesus asks Peter a striking question, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” (John 21:16). It has been noted that he uses the term “agape,” which references a deep and divine love. To which Peter replies, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." However, Peter uses the term “philéo,” which can be defined as being fond of a person. It is seen as love to a lesser degree.
Perhaps, we should take note of the fact that defining a type of love can be confused by miscommunication. Once, there were two star-crossed lovers who were in conversation. The boy says to the girl, "I am so in love with you that I'd die for you, my love." To which the young girl replies, "O Harold. You're always saying that, but you never do it."
Additionally, perhaps the story of love can be illustrated by the idea of sacrifice. Love is when, at the crack of dawn, you are awakened by a small but shrill voice, repetitiously calling your name, "Daddy!" Through one half-opened, sleep-filled eye, you spy a silhouetted figure, which remarkably resembles that of your four-year-old daughter. "Daddy! I want breakfast. I need you to fix me breakfast, Daddy." My response is a very inarticulate, low, and mournful grunt. To which this angelic little tyke replies, "Well, if you don't fix me breakfast, can I fix my own, Daddy?” My response was a very inarticulate, low, and mournful grunt. Afterward, that small and dainty figure soon disappeared into the morning shafts of sunlight beaming through the window sheers.
It was not until later that morning, while strolling through the kitchen, that I felt the earth move under my feet and heard the sounds of grinding, but it was not an earthquake at all. It was Puffy Pops cereal (or something like that) being crushed under my house shoes by the weight of my body. Suddenly, I recalled those words from that dainty little mouth, "Well, if you don't fix me breakfast, I'll fix my own, Daddy?" My daughter had gone into the kitchen and attempted to pour a bowl of cereal. She apparently got enough into her bowl to satisfy her appetite, but the greater volume of kernels had spread across the kitchen floor.
In the case of the star-crossed lovers, the young lass was not attuned to what her lover was attempting to communicate. In the case of the drowsy father, he was not attuned to what his young daughter was attempting to communicate. In the case of Peter, he was not attuned to what Jesus was attempting to communicate.
Peter was not tuned in to the same frequency upon which Jesus was broadcasting. When he spoke of love, Jesus was speaking of a love for which one would lay down their life. Peter was truly fond of Jesus, truly loved Him, but he was not exactly in tune to the spiritual more than he was with the natural.
We are usually more in tune to the natural than we are with the spiritual. It is important to realize that, as Christ followers, we cannot neglect to understand that loving Jesus is not physical, but spiritual. Certainly, our physical actions are to be impacted by the spiritual. Nevertheless, our service to Christ should not be predicated upon what we can do for him. It should be predicated upon what He has done for us. When John says that “God so loved the world” (John 3:16), he is clearly communicating that, if there is any misunderstanding, it is on our part.
When Jesus says, “Do you love me?” He is calling you not only to sit and listen but to “go” (Matthew 28:28-29).
So, be sure to listen to the Words of Christ, not only with the ears but also with the heart. Be sure to listen to Father God, not with the ears, but with the heart. Finally, be sure to listen to the Spirit’s leading in your life, your living, and your worship.
